


A Bad Day at the Office - aka Friends and Enemies

by Ytteb



Category: NCIS
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 12:05:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5455889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ytteb/pseuds/Ytteb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gibbs has a REALLY bad day. Definitely a bad day. All the team involved ... oh dear.<br/>A 'spoiler' for the episode Friends and Enemies - safe to say it goes AU almost immediately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bad Day at the Office - aka Friends and Enemies

**Author's Note:**

> Please note, THIS IS CRACK and not to be taken seriously. No characters were actually harmed in the writing of this story. 
> 
> Do you remember "Friends and Lovers" in which Ziva teaches Team Gibbs to throw knives? Michelle let go of her knife and just missed Gibbs ... what would have happened if Gibbs’ arrival had been just a second or so different? Here goes ... (I'm so sorry ...)

There was a deathly hush throughout NCIS Headquarters as people came to terms with the shocking events of what had begun as an ordinary day.

It had started as a single offering, but as the news spread, Gibbs' desk gradually became covered with large size coffee cups as people struggled to find a way to express their respect for a fallen hero; a larger than life figure who would no longer appear out of nowhere to startle the unwary, who would no longer keep the elevator stuck between floors as he shouted at his latest victim, who would no longer glare at people until they quivered like a human jello. As each person laid their offering on the shrine to the sniper from Stillwater, they nodded respectfully and, guiltily, breathed a sigh of relief.

At first, the mourners had tried to offer their condolences to Gibbs' former team as they reverently placed the cups on Gibbs' desk but this brought such agonised screeches and wails from behind the enormous handkerchiefs the team held to their faces that they thought it kinder to leave them to mourn in their own way. Mourning not just the loss of their esteemed leader but coming to terms with the manner of his passing. In the end, the remnant of Gibbs' team could bear it no longer but retreated to Autopsy away from prying eyes.

Ducky was waiting for them. He smiled a compassionate, weary smile.

"I've completed the autopsy on dear Jethro," he said, "but of course, there was no doubt about the cause of death. The knife did its deed most efficiently. He would have felt no pain."

"Poor, poor Gibbs," said a lachrymose Abby as she dabbed a black rimmed hankie to her eyes, "but he would have hated retirement ... what would he have done with all that spare time?"

"You mean apart from building furniture, sailing his boat, visiting his marine buddies, reconnecting with his father, building coffins ...," began the tactless McGee until silenced by Tony,

"Not helping here, McFootinmouth. No, Abs, you're right, retirement would have killed him and Director Shephard was definitely on the warpath about it. No, perhaps it's better this way."

And they all stood quietly looking at the sheet covered body on the autopsy table.

"Actually, guys," said Jimmy, "that's not Gibbs. I put him in drawer 2 already."

"Oh, OK then," said Tony, "whoops, broken a rule already. Never assume." They all turned to look respectfully at what they hoped was drawer 2. The silence was broken by a giggle from Michelle Lee. The others looked at her a little reproachfully.

"You have to admit it was kind of funny," she said.

"The look on his face ..."

"... I'd never seen him look so surprised," said Tony and Tim. Autopsy was filled with the sound of laughter as everyone gave into hilarity.

"Good job, Probie," said Tony, "good job, perfect timing and great marksmanship. Gibbs would have been proud." Michelle blushed,

"Thank you, Tony. Does that mean I'm back on the team? I hate it in Legal."

"No problem, Michelle. Tim liked having you as his probette, didn't you, Tim?"

"Absolutely," agreed Tim, "after all, we're two people down and Director Shephard will give us anything we want in our distressed state." And everyone collapsed once more in helpless giggles.

"The look on Ziva's face was priceless," said Abby as she recovered first.

"I thought it showed true mettle on her part to accept some responsibility for the ... er... accident," said Ducky trying to be fair.

"And it was a bit sad seeing her face crumple as we all said that we had been shocked when Ziva seized the knife from Michelle and threw it straight at Gibbs," said Tim. They all nodded sympathetically and then dissolved into laughter again.

"Good work with that finger print switch, Abby. Good, but scary to know that you really can commit the perfect crime," praised Tony.

"I thought the touch about saying Ziva was screaming something about "not being able to live with rule 12 any longer" was simply inspired, Abigail," said Ducky. Abby curtsied at the compliment but said, with a touch of steel in her voice,

"We couldn't risk the possibility that the Boss would have given in on that. Tony's life wouldn't have been worth living. I'm sorry Gibbs had to pay the price but I'm sure he would see it as having Tony's six."

"True," said Tim, "we all knew that he would give his life for a member of his team."

"And today, he did," said Tony and they all laughed again.

"What will happen to Officer David?" asked Jimmy.

"My medical report will say that she is incurably insane and should be locked away somewhere completely secure forever," said Ducky.

"With all access to paperclips and burger skewers strictly forbidden," said Michelle. Regrettably, they all laughed again. Tony pulled himself together.

"Right, team. Let's call it a night. Be in bright and early tomorrow ... about 9.30 should be fine. Jimmy, Michelle, I'll give you the key to the supply closet in the basement tomorrow – just keep the noise down to a low roar. Abby let me know the name of that gizmo you want for your lab and McManager will swing it for you. And I want you all to practice not laughing ... remember, we've got a funeral to get through and Ducky's got a eulogy to write. So, no more laughing."

It is sad to report that the first order that Tony gave as team leader was immediately disobeyed.

 


End file.
